“The Road goes ever on and on/Down from the door where it began/Now far ahead the Road has gone/And I must follow, if I can/Pursuing it with eager feet/Until it joins some larger way/Where many paths and errands meet/And whither then? I cannot say.” – J.R.R. Tolkien, Lord of the Rings
So last week I got another rejection. Bringing the total to three thus far.
It is so much harder to keep going and trying than you can understand until you’ve been there. I think about the people who get so many rejections before they publish, and I think to myself. Those, are some bad ass motherf*****s. The day of rejection three, I wanted to give up. Submit. What’s the point? Then, I remind myself, the point is, if I don’t believe in myself, how can anyone else? I know I am good enough. I know my novel is good enough. Still, I allowed myself one day of wallowing in self pity. Then, the following evening, I got back to work. I spent the largest part of my weekend submitting to nine more publishers. And if I have to, I will again, and again, and again. And if none of them accept my book, I’ll self-publish. The point is I won’t, I can’t, give up. This dream means too much.
I’m thinking my biggest issue so far is that I was submitting under the wrong genre. So…with that in mind I changed the genre and sought out publishers in that genre and sub-genre. Why, the secrecy? The truth is, I want to keep my novel under wraps until the big reveal. I’m not ready to share my novel just yet, especially since I may consider a bigger rewrite if a publisher requests. Someday, I’ll do a post about all the things happening in the background, but until then, we will forage on forward, together.
This road is not easy, nothing in my life has been easy. I found confidence only after years of hating my reflection. I found happiness after years of lying to myself. I’ve found success by simply being myself in a world which would label me strange. I found love in the most unexpected way. Yet, all these things I found. They did not come to me when I gave up, they came to me when I believed they would despite all evidence to the contrary. I have been many things in my life, some I haven’t been proud of, but i have never been a quitter. I’m too old to change that now.