Reflections at the New Year

I’ve started and stopped this post at least three times. Normally, I’d be reflecting like everyone else. Making resolutions. Breaking them. Rinse. Repeat. Recycle. This year is different.

Several years ago, I started making positive changes- healing changes in my life. I changed my outlook and the way I see life. I began to break free from the chains of negativity and look at things through a more optimistic lens. This is where I caution others. The moment you really change how you view the world, you find yourself looking inward at your core, your life choices. You find yourself pondering the things you have to make different in your life, in order to (pardon me stealing a phrase from internet here), to live your best life. That realization isn’t easy. You see and slam into the changes, hard changes, you have to choose. They don’t come easy or even quickly. Some aren’t even all that planned out. All the same, you change.

It started with a lifelong dream. I wanted to write, For as long as I remember, I wanted to be an author. So, I wrote my first complete novel. At the same time, I recognized I had to cut drama and unhealthy relationships from my life. Fake friends fell to the wayside. Eventually, I found myself looking at the decade of my first marriage and the toxicity. Just like that, I got divorced.

It would be four years before I made the next change. It didn’t come easy. Since I was five years old, I wanted to be a public defender, and for a decade, I fulfilled that dream. For awhile I was happy, but the job, as it does to many, took a toll on me which I refused to continue to pay.

When the opportunity arose, within ten short days, I applied for, interviewed, was offered, and accepted a new position. I turned in my resignation at a position I’d had since getting my Bar license and took two weeks off to rest before starting the next stage of my journey.

On top of that, I’ll be publishing my book this year, with the help of a person I really admire as the editor. Life is scary and exciting and everything in between disaster and ecstasy.

One of the most dangerous things, as Gandalf says, is stepping out your front door. It is time for me to open my door, step out, and see what adventure awaits. Am I scared? Of course. Yet, that is outweighed by the excitement of moving onward toward my future. This year, I’m not making resolutions that I’ll probably break. Instead, I will live life, and see what happens outside my doorstep.

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