Maybe the paths that you each shall tread are already laid before your feet, though you do not see them.
— Lady Galadriel, LOTR
Becoming an attorney is hard. Becoming an author is hard. I know. Duh! Both are obvious points.
For everyone, I imagine the degree of the struggle varies. Let me start by saying, I am not trying to say my own struggle is any better or worse than anyone else’s. It’s just mine and my own experiences.
Just becoming an attorney has it’s own challenges. I think attempting a professional career, doctor or lawyer, when you come from a low-middle class background with a single parent household, is already rolling a boulder uphill. The cost of higher education is astronomical. I was lucky enough to earn several scholarships for my private school college education and obtained scholarship for half of my law school education. Still, my student loan debt is massive.
On top of the cost of such an endeavor, I had very little in the way of a positive support system. My own grandparents believed it is a sin for a woman to work and numerous times my grandfather would say, “This isn’t realistic. You’ll never succeed.” I even had teachers discourage me, who believed, despite my perfect grades, I would never become a lawyer. It was simply too ‘fancy’ for a eastern Appalachian girl. To make matters worse, my ex-husband became jealous of every milestone and success I achieved. Of course, my parents supported me and encouraged me, as well as a few teachers along the way. But, there was so much “me against the world.” Then, in law school I had major emergency exploratory surgery. My grandfather told me, while I was still in the hospital bed, “You might as well quit.” I think I graduated law school, in the very top of my class, just to spite him. I never gave up. I never surrendered to the negative. Now, that I think about, maybe that’s why I became a public defender, I thrive as the underdog. Life knocks me down, I come back up swinging.
So, I suppose, there are those around me who think, “She’ll never be published.” But, I keep on doing things no one ever thought I could. I keep surprising people. Through great physically adversity with major spine issues, I keep up with my daytime career as lawyer, while being an amazing stepmother, loving wife, avid gamer, and still find time to write.
There are times I have doubts. They sneak in between the cracks and all the negative voices of my life bleed through my defenses. Can I do this? What are the odds of a publisher picking me up? If I do decide to self publish, who will read my book? Even this blog, who cares what a fancy hillbilly has to say about anything? Then, I remember all the things I’ve done in my life, that people told me were impossible, and I realize (as cliche as it is) that dreams do come true. So, there you have it world, I’ll keep facing whatever comes my way and I will succeed.
The struggle is real. The rewards are worth it. Keep calm and write on!
First of all, thanks for sharing your story and struggles with your readers. Blogging is hard, but can be such a great opportunity for self discovery. I came on this post at a right moment, considering that I’m going through intense personal struggles myself. I was sexually assaulted when I was 12, and am now (at the age of 32), deciding to confront my past and write a book about it. As, a result of trying to heal, I realize that I haven’t invested time to my blog and that maybe (like you), I need to diversify my posts and open up to my readers more. In time, you’ll build your audience. I’m starting to (which surprises me) because my posts aren’t consistent, but I still have people visiting my site. So, I want to encourage you to keep at it. Your blog will transform and will help you discover new things about yourself. I’m excited for your journey. Thanks for inspiring me in this post.
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Thank you for following and me and my blog.
It takes immense inner strength to confront your past, let alone share it with others, especially with a situation like yours. I am proud of you and admire you for finding that strength within yourself. I know there are so many people that can relate to your story.
Thanks so much for the encouragement. I never thought in a million years that I would ever being writing a blog. I am notoriously shy. But, if it gives inspiration to even one person, it’s worth it. So many of us sit alone on the other side of the screen and have no idea of the power we have within ourselves to help others.
Thank you for letting me know that I am reaching people. I wish you well on your journey.